Diesel's Den - Confessions Of An Empire Reviewer

Diesel - His name has become legendary in the annals of adult film reporting. He is a top reviewer, on-the-scene reporter, and has even done a stint as Adult DVD Empire's official "Answer Man" for all things porn. Now we are turning him loose, and the adult industry may never be the same again. Every other week, enter his lair of lust on Adult DVD Empire for the latest reporting and commentary from one of the best.

Happy Anniversary, Adult DVD Empire! As you guys know, I've been a consumer of adult-oriented material back when videocassettes retailed for $69.95, and I've been a fan of the genre ever since the reign of blonde bombshells Ginger and Amber Lynn - who, despite early rumors, were never sisters in real life, as their emphatically non-incestuous lesbian scene in the cheesy 80's video Ginger On The Rocks would prove. (Though interestingly enough, Amber's biological brother Buck Adams was an active member of the jizz bizz. Go figure.)

However, I wasn't quite old enough to enjoy the true Golden Age of Porn, a time when adult films (and I mean, films, not videotape) paid almost as much to plot and dialogue as they did to the fucking and sucking. But thanks to the curtained-off adult section of local Mom and Pop video rental stores and an ingeniously forged fake I.D. (which was used exclusively to rent cassettes like Taboo, The Devil In Miss Jones and Debbie Does Dallas, and not to buy beer), I was able to catch up with up with X-rated history and study the subject with the same fascination and determination as a professor of archaeology would pursue the Ark of the Covenant.

As the time progressed towards the apocalyptic year known as Y2K, I was able to gain access to the Al Gore-created Internet after hooking up my state-of-the-art 2400-baud modem to my 750 MHz computer. And suddenly, like Kristine DeBell in Alice In Wonderland, I was exposed to a whole new world. Almost instinctively, my thirst for online adult academia led to purchasing a few DVD titles off a popular site called Adult DVD Empire. After a pleasant exchange of e-mails with ADE's Director Of Operations, I was invited to be an in-house reviewer of their products, with freedom to express my opinion (popular or not) on their products and contribute what I could to their site. It was my pleasure (and I mean "pleasure" in every lewd sense of the word) to receive and watch a bi-weekly shipment of adult DVDs, and I took to this job in the same way Homer Simpson takes to managing a donut factory. Receiving compensation to review porn was like being paid to breathe air, and it remains the best job I've ever had or will ever have, short of taking over Randy West's role in his Up And Cummers series. So I thank the good people at the Empire for the last ten years (three of them as a customer, and the last seven as a customer and staff writer) of pure joy and bliss, and share with porn fans my Top Ten (but in no particular order) memories as "Diesel".

Ask The Empire...: Shortly after joining the staff on this site, I was asked to be the "Answer Man" on all things porn. Patrons would e-mail questions about pornstars, condom practices, and whatever else crossed their mind, while I would do my damnedest to provide adequate responses. Remember, back in those days the Internet was fairly new and personal blogs, talk-back responses, message boards, on-line encyclopedias and other databases were generally scarce and spotty. Now that facts, opinions, rants and raves on every topic imaginable are compiled and posted with such regularity, research on porn trivia is no longer as daunting or complex.

For better or for worse, information (both accurate and false) about the hardcore world flows as freely as a Peter North splooge shot (just check out Tori Welles' facials in Night Trips and The Chameleon) or a Cytherea orgasmic squirt (nicely showcased in Cytherea Is The Best New Starlet). Therefore, it was only natural that Ask The Empire would eventually evolve (or dissolve, as the case may be) into Diesel's Den, where I am free to thrust my opinions and recommendations on Empire customers. It is an ongoing thrill and a privilege to write Diesel's Den, and I look forward to another decade with the Empire.

Attending the Adult Video News Adult Entertainment Expo: Before the largest adult publication assumed what was popularly known as "the porno convention," the annual gathering of pornographers and their fans took place in a special niche of the world-renowned Consumer Electronic Show. And while an attendee might have expressed interest in finding out the latest in computer and home theatre technology, the adult section was where everyone truly wanted to be. Sure, there were similar events which took place on the East Coast, in L.A., and in Europe, but when it came to the Promised Land of Porn, Las Vegas was the place to be.

In the year 2000, Adult Video News gathered all the major studios and biggest performers in the Sand Convention Center at the Venetian Hotel for the first AVN Adult Entertainment Expo. Adult DVD Empire made its premiere appearance at the show, and graciously invited me as a member of the staff and representative. It was my first visit to Sin City, and I was given a special opportunity to rub elbows (and sadly, no other body parts) with the starlets in front of the camera and, to paraphrase Ronald Dahl, the dreamers of wet dreams behind the scenes. Try to imagine Jesse Jane posing for pictures in the Digital Playground booth, while Ginger Lynn signs autographs twenty feet away at the VCA set-up, as Nikki Dial roams the aisle with a cup of coffee in her hand, and you can imagine the amount of sexual sensory overload In a nutshell, the whole experience was fan-fucken-tastic, and the one event I look forward to all year around.

Interviewing Cytherea: "How the hell do I pronounce this chick's name?" was my first thought when I was assigned to interview this up-and-coming starlet. In a business where names like "Jenna," "Nikki," "Briana," and "Vanessa" are commonplace, it's rare to see a multi-syllabic moniker which doesn't follow popular trends. However, within minutes of meeting Cytherea, I was helplessly and hopelessly in lust with a certain petite brunette, who in a few short months took the industry by storm. In the past four years, she has achieved recognition as a gifted performer and prolific squirter, eventually winning the 2005 AVN Award as "Best New Starlet." I was give the opportunity to sit down and chat with her extensively while she signed autographs for Cherry Box Productions, and it was one of the giddiest moments of my "career."

Petite, always smiling, and somewhat shy, Cytherea was an absolute charmer. She's the ideal combination of girl-next-door charisma in public with a 99-3/4% pure slut attitude in her profession. I was so taken in by her personality and stunning looks that even my Editorial Director complained of the diabetic coma my fawning and sugary interview was inducing within him. Still, of all the pornstars I've met at these affairs, Cytherea stands out as one of the sweetest girls I've ever met. Sadly, this wide-eyed, party girl from Utah retired from the business in late 2006, but fans are hoping for a comeback.

Dear Editor...: Again, before everybody and their pet goldfish had a personal page on the Internet or felt the need to pollute cyberspace with endless blogs, front page columns for this website provided valuable and detailed information on all things porn. If you wanted to know all about the true classics of adult cinema, then click on the two-part article "Oldies But Goodies." Your guide to the Top 50 porn DVDs of all time (well, at least up until that particular time) was also available with the click of a mouse. For years, I had the opportunity to collaborate with my personal Perry White, namely Editorial Director Shannon Nutt, on several articles and columns, and our joint adventures would continue in person at the AVN shows and at industry parties and other get-togethers.

Though we share differences in opinion ("Whose ass would you most like to poke: Taylor Rain's or Jenna Haze's?") and while it's simply inconceivable that the guy has yet to sample Indian, Greek or Korean food, it's thanks to Chief - I mean, Mr. Nutt - that I still find myself with a job here at this site. Shannon, if I were ever to become the guest of honor at an orgy featuring Avy Scott, Stormy Daniels, Teagan Presley, Nikki Dial, Taylor St. Clair, Misty Rain, Julia Ann, Charlotte Stokely, and Kaylani Lei...I would let you organize the event and have my leftovers. I'm just that kind of guy.

Interviewing James Avalon: I was familiar with James Avalon's signature directing and editing skills with standout titles like the shot-on-film Red Vibe Diaries and Les Vampyres. However, it was his ambitious sequels to the Nothing To Hide series which first caught my attention to this gifted director and I jumped at the chance to interview him over the phone.

Based on his work, I expected someone a little stuffy and arrogant, but the opposite was true: Mr. Avalon was a down-to-earth, talkative and friendly guy without any of the airs or pretensions that a film director of any genre might have (and believe me, there are some hack pornographers out there who believe themselves to be another Kubrick or Coppola). Unfortunately, I never got to personally shake hands with the director, but my conversations with him (both on the record and off) made me appreciate those who are doing more for the adult genre than just orchestrating another anal gangbang flick.

Next Time: Diesel continues his Birthday Card to the Empire....

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