Adult DVD Empire's official sex educator and Wicked Pictures contract star, jessica drake, answers your questions about sex, love & relationships! If jessica selects yours, you will get one of jessica drake's Guide to Wicked Sex DVDs as a prize!
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If you could chose to have sex anywhere in the world, where would it be and why? -tiswaz
Tiswaz- If i could have sex anywhere right now, I would love to ride the Orient Express in a first class cabin and have sex looking out the windows at all of Europe, feeling the movement of the cars throughout my body.
I've been with a lot of women. I'm very confident in the bedroom. I've always gone with the general rule with a women that the "wetter the better"; that the surest way to tell if your partner is into you is gauged on how moist she is when intimate. My current lover simply doesn't achieve the level of wetness I'm accustomed to during sex. I'm used to my lover gushing with enthusiastic love juices. Such just doesn't seem to be the case with my sweetheart of late. Her willingness and desire to have sex is there, so I know she's at least into me sexually. Is there any advise you could give me to make her slopes more slippery? -Mike
Hi Mike! While getting soaking wet CAN be a big indicator that you're pushing all the right buttons, it's important to note that many, MANY women suffer from vaginal dryness. This can be caused by many things- diet, medications, stress, etc. so it's best that you don't take it personally. I recommend that you take your time with her and really get her warmed up. Cater to all of her senses as you seduce her. Find out what her "triggers" are. Talk dirty, if that's what does it for her. Tease her. Really engage her. And when it comes right down to it, always have LOTS of lube at the ready- and don't take it personally. ;)
What brand of lube do you recommend for anal sex? -lifterxxx
Lifter- generally, i prefer a silicone lube for ALL types of sex. I love the sensation. Sometimes for vaginal sex i use spit for extra moisture, but for anal that will never do. Wicked has a line called Wicked Sensual Care Collection with my all-time favorite lube called Ultra. It's a long lasting lube that's silky smooth, but it also washes off very easily. I use a few drops on the inside tip of my partner's condom, on the outside of the condom, and i reapply it once we start having anal sex. Remember, there is NO SUCH THING as too much lube during anal sex. She'll thank you for it!
When the lights are off, the cameras stop rolling, the crew is not around and you let your guard down, what is the one thing that your partner does for you that makes you instantly turned on? The only caveat with your answer, is that it cannot be an actual sex act - more like something that he does for you? -Andrew
Hi Andrew- Interesting question. If you mean it cannot be a sex act such as a position or actual penetration, but still something that gets me turned on, I would have to say biting. I love being bitten on the back of my neck, or on the part of my neck that turns into my shoulder. If you mean something that is completely removed from sex, then it would have to be cooking for me... or ordering in food and feeding it to me.
My girlfriend and I have been having sex for about 2 months. Everything is great, but she hasn't given me a single blowjob. I go down on her every time. I feel uncomfortable asking her to do it since I assume that she would have done it already if she liked it. I don't want to make her do anything she doesn't enjoy, but I'd also really love a BJ. Is there a good way to ask her to go down on me? -Dick Whitman
Hi Dick- Leave a trail of chocolates from the front door to your waiting lap when she comes home.
No, don't do that. I am curious, though, as to why she wouldn't give you head, especially if you're going down on her. I think you should ask her, but not in a way that will make her think you're mad or disappointed. Maybe something like, "I notice you don't seem to like going down on me and I was wondering why?" Be curious. It could be that she doesn't have much experience, and if that's the case, then lucky you! You get to be her "teacher" and show her what you like personally. I do have an instructional in my line called jessica drake's Guide to Wicked Sex: Fellatio Edition that makes a great starting point. Maybe you could watch it together and you could be her test subject. Win/Win!
If there's another reason she doesn't like to give head, you need to know. Do your homework and get back to me.
How do I tell my wife that sex is getting boring and we need to spice thing up. But not hurt her feelings and make her feel unattractive? -Larson9727
Larson- This can be a really touchy subject. On one hand, you care enough about your wife and your relationship to want to do something to make it better...on the other hand, if you don't treat this delicate subject the right way, you can do more harm than good. Without knowing more details of your situation, I would say that the best approach, at least initially, is positive reinment and some extra attention. Make sure she feels appreciated when she does something you like, in or out of bed. Women want to feel needed and special, once you get us in this frame of mind, we are more likely reciprocate... and less likely to be defensive.
There are a few suggestions I have for you as far as spicing things up- if she's open to watching adult movies with you, do that. Have a xxx movie date night where you watch porn together and ask her what she enjoys the most, what really turns her on. Watch more of that. Try to incorporate her turn ons and fantasies into your dirty talk. Get her little gifts- sexy lingerie, an explicit book, a vibrator. Surprise her with it, and tell her it's just for her enjoyment. After doing things like this for awhile, if she seems receptive, start talking to her more openly about your sex life. Turn things around and tell her that you'd like to make things better and more exciting in bed for her, and ask her if there's something she'd like to try. Encourage her to open up to you...in more ways than one.
Good luck, and remember- these things really do take time, but when you start to see the results, you'll both be reaping the benefits.
Thank you for all of your hard work answering these questions. My wife and I have learned some things from here also. My wife has started to enjoy publix sex. Movie theaters are the easy ones. While driving and now restaraunts. She wants to try a local store in the sorta open. Is this a healthy idea? Makes sense? Other safe places to try? We have just been getting back into sex and would love your help, even more. -Asteric
Asteric- As much as i LOVE the fact that sex in public thrills you, I'm going to be the devil's advocate here and say that YES, it can be exciting and get your heart racing with the fear (or excitement) of being caught, but... it can also get you arrested. A local store in the "sorta open" sounds like trouble, along with maybe having to register as sex offenders. Stick to places like dressing rooms, bathrooms, etc. where you at least have a door blocking the action.
I would, however, suggest that you guys try swinger's clubs or sex clubs. There you can be sexual with each other in an extremely open atmosphere. you have lots of options- you can watch others have sex, you can have sex while others watch, you can have sex while someone else joins in, and you can have sex and let everyone join in.
Please don't let my warning rain on your parade. I think it's great to find something you love and do it.
What are your recommendations for good porn movies with good storylines. My wife enjoyed the Pirates movies and there are a few others with some good plots. For the most part, however, the stories lag. Only occasionally does my wife enjoy watching those. She enjoys the stories in most of the soft-core, "Skinemax" style but does not like the soft-core part. So, it needs to have the hardcore aspect with a bit more of a storyline. Are there any particular movies or producers you would recommend? -Cliff
Well, Cliff, you've come to the right place!
Wicked Pictures is known for making amazing adult movies with non-cheesy story lines that couples can enjoy together. Some of my favorite movies (that I am in) are- Fallen (my top favorite) Speed, Manhunters, The Craving I & II, Countdown, 2040, A Love Story, 4 Some, Love Always, 3 Days in June. Brad Armstrong is an amazing director, and Wicked is known for our dedication to making high quality story driven movies with amazing sex.
Hi Jessica! I am a big fan. Have you ever massaged the prostate of a male sex partner? If so, did you ask to do it or did he? How did you do it? Reason I ask is my wife asked me about it but I kind of shot down the idea because it seems too freaky. Now I'm a little intrigued by her request and may be open to it. Do you have any tips or advice? -cw99
Hi CW- Yes, I have. After hearing so much about it years ago, I was giving a partner a blow job and I started to get brave...I ran my finger up underneath his balls, and by the time i was stroking his taint, he was orgasming. Later on, while in bed, he told me how much he loved it, so I asked him if he had tried a finger in his ass. The answer was no, but he said he wanted to, and he let me try. During oral sex, i sucked on my finger to lube it up, and while i was going down on him, i slowly slid my index finger inside him. I felt his cock throbbing in my mouth, but he didn't want to orgasm yet, so we slowed everything down. To me, it was a very powerful feeling, knowing how much he loved it and how i could use that trick to get him off. It's a very common curiosity with men. Some are open enough to share, some aren't. I suggest that you let her try. Have her use lube or spit and go slowly at first until you know if you like it...and how much.
For more technical information on finding the male prostate and exploring it with a partner, I just created jessica drake's Guide to Wicked Sex Anal Play for Men that should be out in a few weeks.
What is the best technique when going down on my girlfriends pussy? -dfordamage
Hi D- One thing i've heard from thousands of women is that they like consistency. There's nothing worse than being right there at that point knowing you're about to orgasm, only for your partner to suddenly switch up their technique. The key in oral sex with women and men is to really pay attention to your partner's body language- it's their way of teaching you what they like. You can also talk to them during sex. Ask them questions. Make it sexy- "do you like that?," "do you want it slow like this (lick slowly) or fast?" (quicken the pace) Don't go overboard, or you run the risk of your chattering to distract your partner from sex, but show her that you want to please her.
Many women have sensitive clits, so you won't want to push the hood back and starting licking right away. Kiss down her stomach, around her pussy, and she'll start guiding your head right where she wants it. GENTLY lick with an upward motion (forget about that alphabet trick- at least for now) and find her clit with your tongue. Once you do, watch and listen to her for clues. If she's pushing your head back and scooting away from you, chances are you're doing it too hard. Enthusiasm is great, but if a lover is licking me very hard, it starts to numb me after awhile and it takes WAY longer to get me off. Most women I've spoken to say that they prefer a light to medium pressure, and that it really evolves into more of a gentle sucking than a tongue lashing. When she starts grinding on your face and pulling your head closer with her hands, you're doing fine. Some women like penetration during oral sex too- try sliding a finger inside her. For me, if I'm about to orgasm and a partner does that, it pushes me right over the edge!
Many women worry that they are taking too long to orgasm, so in turn they... take too long to orgasm. Reassure her either by words or actions that you're in no hurry. Some women will orgasm in 5-10 minutes, some in 15 or more. Some women can even have orgasm after orgasm...get some practice and next time you write in, we'll discuss multiple orgasms.
What's your favorite sex toy? -TJ
Hi TJ- I have a few. I am a big fan of clitoral stimulation- like most women- and when i masturbate i use a smaller but powerful vibrator, and i get myself off rather quickly. For times like these, I like pocket rockets, toys from the Evolved line, and some of the Lelo vibes. Recently, i also found that i can make myself squirt from stimulating my Gspot, so i've been experimenting with toys for that as well. The toy that first did the job for me was the Pico Bong toy called the Moka G Vibe. As far as toys for men, hands down, it's the Fleshlight, and I finally have my own- with a choice of various textures, and all three holes for your pleasure.
At the end of the day (or night) it's really all a matter of what gets you off and what works best for you. We're all so different, that's why it's important to experiment. A lot. ; )
What is the way that male pornstars enlarge their penis size, and what size do pornstars like yourself prefer? -Ref
Hi Ref! That's a very popular question these days... come to think of it, that's always been a popular question. There are penis pumps and herbal supplements out on the market, but I think that rather than spend lots of money on something that isn't a proven way to add inches, the goal should be instead to find a way to accept yourself just as you are. The average penis size for a man is 3.5 - 3.7 inches when NOT erect, and somewhere between 5.0 - 5.7 inches when hard. What you often see in porn is NOT the norm, and don't forget - they say camera adds 10 pounds, so imagine what that must do to cock size!
Personally, I prefer a much more average size guy. If a guy is too big, it can make sex uncomfortable... and anal damn near impossible. I can go much longer in many different positions if the guy is NOT big - so instead of trying to make your equipment bigger, just concentrate on using it to the best of your ability.
Hi jessica, I'm a huge fan of your movies and Wicked. I've been watching movies for about ten years now, I'm married about 2 years and my problem is my wife doesn't like porn movies and I'm huge addict of porn. Please tell me what I can do to get her to agree to watch porn. I want to watch your movies with my beautiful wife. Sometimes I her to watch porn with me but she shows no interest in pornography. Please, jessica help me and find a solution to this problem! - sadsana
Oh, sadsana. Your question makes ME sadjessica.
First rule: we should NEVER someone to watch porn. At all. Ever. Porn is something that is for consenting adults, and it doesn't really sound like you have her consent. You should try to talk to her without pressuring her, and find out why she doesn't like porn. It's possible she never will, but it's also possible that she feels intimidated by what you are calling a "porn addiction". Try and have a discussion with her about why you like it as well. If that goes well, you may ask her if she'd watch some kind of porn with you that she picks out herself, something that she likes.
The most important thing here is that you learn to respect her decision, even if it isn't the same as yours. porn should only be used for fun in a relationship - to inspire and to arouse. Please don't use it to make your beautiful wife uncomfortable. ; )
I find it very hard to take things to the next level with women. What advice do you have for a very shy girl who is nervous about flirting and hooking up? I'm terrified of rejection. My sweetie is very open minded and has encouraged me to go out and have some fun with girls on my own or with him. I just freeze up as soon as I see a pretty girl. - Kelly A
Hi Kelly- I think that's a great question, and you're lucky to have a boyfriend who is so encouraging. ;)
One of the most important things is to just relax and be yourself. I know it sounds cliche, but this is something that will come with practice. Half the battle is just summoning up the courage to get yourself out there and saying those first few words...but really, what do you have to lose? Strike up a conversation, compliment a girl on her shoes and you can ask her where she shops. Tell her you love her manicure, and then ask her where she gets her nails done. Starter questions like these can lead to a whole discussion. A more direct (sexual) approach would be to compliment her on a certain part of her body, say her eyes or her legs. It's hard to mistake your intentions when you're checking her out.
I know you say you're terrified of rejection, but honestly, so is most everyone else. Don't think of it as rejection. Think of it as rehearsal for next time. Soon you'll be a pro at picking up girls. Good luck!
Several years ago my girlfriend and I started having vaginal sex, then she requested anal sex, but just before my climax she wanted me to go back into her vagina -I wouldn't as I did not think it was safe for the women and can cause complications. I have since had that same request and have seen it in some movies -a2p. Is that ok, or can it lead to complications? - ronjoe
Hi ronjoe- Although it is tempting, and although we often get caught up in the moment, you are right.
Sometimes in movies, they stop and change the condom or clean up before resuming vaginal sex after anal... and sometimes they do not. Personally, I do, but thanks to some clever editing, you may not notice. A2P isn't safe, and though it may feel good at the time, it can expose your partner to all kinds of harmful bacterial issues that will require medical treatment. She may be disappointed that you refuse, but that feeling is better than a round of antibiotics and no sex for awhile.
I have fucked my wife with her sexy friend and I have also done a DP with my wife and another guy. I want to know if doing these things can harm our relationship? - Sam
Hi Sam- Sometimes couples have fantasies that really excite them, and then once they try them in real life, they feel guilty or jealous or even angry with each other. I have seen couples break up over a threesome. That being said, I don't think that being sexually adventurous is a recipe for disaster; I just think that it's important to make sure that you are both on the same page. It's a good idea to talk about things before you do them, but you should also talk (at least a little) about things once they're done, especially if either of you had any jealousy issues.
Personally, I think that if you have someone who is sexually open minded and is willing to try new things and is comfortable enough to involve other people, that's great! Keep having fun together.
I would like to start off by saying thank you. Thank you for the countless hours of entertainment, not only from your more traditional Wicked movies, but also for your public appearances, website, Sirius/XM radio show, your Tweeting, your "come along for the ride" blog, and now this fantastic Guide to Wicked Sex series.
My problem may seem to some as a blessing in disguise, but I don't wish it upon anyone. Because of certain medications that I must take, I have developed a dysfunction in my ability to orgasm. I have no difficulty with obtaining or maintaining an erection, even for long periods of time. I just can't come. My problem is that I exhaust my girlfriend, and don't usually climax. Although she says that she understands, it poses a couple of significant problems. The first of which is that she feels my not coming somehow reflects upon her sexual abilities in a negative way. The second and more significant problem is that by getting so aroused and not reaching that final relief, it leaves me emotionally frustrated and sometimes in actual physical pain. I can sometimes masturbate to help myself out, but at the same time that worsens my girlfriend's feelings of inadequacy. I am not asking for medical advice about the prescription drugs that I take. I do need your help with trying not to lose my girlfriend.
Thank you, Your loving fan. - HarleyVRSC
Hi Harley- Thanks for the kind words!
I'm so sorry that you're going through this. I know how important it is to ensure that your partner is satisfied, and to most people, this means making sure that they climax.
I am going to assume that the drugs you are taking are a necessity. Hopefully you have discussed your inability to orgasm with your doctor as well. It may be a slightly uncomfortable discussion, but your input can help others dealing with the same unfortunate side effect.
As for your girlfriend, often it is one thing to understand the fundamentals of the issue, but another thing to separate the emotional side, as I'm sure you are finding out. Has she been involved in any discussion with your doctor to get a medical explanation? This may help her understand fully that it is indeed a medical situation.
As far as the need for climax, I feel you! Few things are as frustrating as not quite being able to get there. If you are sometimes able to masturbate to help yourself out, Maybe you can do it for her and with her? See if she will masturbate as well while you watch each other, and see if you can get very close to climax and let her take over. If there is some kind of "trigger" that helps you - somewhere she can touch you, or something dirty she can whisper in your ear, let her know. She needs to feel like a valuable part of your orgasm, and I'm sure you can find a way to make this happen.
Don't give up, and please tell her that you don't want her to either.
Please write me back and tell me how things are going.
Hey there! I'm a huge fan of yours. My question to you is: When you and your partner have sex, do you squirt big time when he hits your g-spot? - hardguy73
Hi Hardguy- I DO squirt, but it's not very often. Usually it's from fingers inside me, but on occasion, I have been known to squirt from a reverse cowgirl position. For me, it's not something that I set out to do every time - it just sneaks up on me. It's an amazing feeling, though, and I love it.
*I will be doing a Guide to Wicked Sex Gspot and Female Ejaculation edition soon - watch for it!
My fiancee has several mental illnesses and because of that, she usually doesn't have much of a sex drive. Both of us have talked to her doctors about how to improve her sense of desire, yet nothing seems to have a long-lasting effect. Don't get me wrong - she's a sweetheart of a woman and I love her dearly. I just want to make her happy, plain and simple. What do you suggest? - jedimaster
hi jedimaster- I love questions like these. Though the solution can be challenging, just the fact that you are so willing to help out really says a lot about you.
Obviously the benefits of her being on the medication outweigh her lack of sex drive, but they are constantly approving new medications with less (or different, at any rate) side effects, so keep communicating with her doctors.
Some medications can cause vaginal dryness - remedied with vaginal replenishers or lots of good lube, but other medications can just kill libido completely. You said that she "usually" doesn't have much of a sex drive, which says to me that every so often, she does. I'm sure you're taking advantage of those times, and the rest of the time, well, as long as it's not a source of contention between the two of you, you'll be fine. Maintain intimacy by spending time together, do date nights, keep up physical contact, caress and kiss each other, even if that's all that happens. It will keep you close as a couple.
As an aside, masturbation is healthy. It's a great way to relieve stress and tension, and can help one better at night. ; )
My partner enjoys watching porn to help her arousal, but facial shots disturb her. How did you overcome the fear of cum on your face? -texas777
Hi texas- That's easy to answer - I never had a fear of cum on my face, even before I got into the business. I think that women are comfortable with it, or they are not. I recommend that you share porn with her that has no facials... Wicked has a line called "Wicked Passions" and it is great for woman who love the softer side of porn - none of the scenes have a facial! It is a perfect series for your wife to watch with you.
My wife and I are trying anal sex and the only position she will do it in is spooning. I was wondering how to try new ones that wont put her in any discomfort. I know it turns her on but I really want to watch as we do it as well and in that position I can't.
We love your movies and watch them often and wondered how you got used to it and what products would help us out better as well.
Thank you for your time and answers. -bastion
Hi bastion! Spooning is a great position for anal, it's really easy on both partners' bodies, and if her muscles are relaxed, it means easier anal too. Missionary may be good for both of you too, it's a low-stress position plus you can see everything. Doggy style can be scary for some women because they feel like they lack control, but for me it's a favorite. Another position that will treat you to an amazing view is cowgirl, but it's hard on her legs and thighs.
Anal sex is something that I was always curious about, long before getting into the business. I got used to it just the same as every woman who enjoys it - I practiced. ; ) The most important thing that men should consider is that if you are encouraging and supportive and allow her to remain in control, you are much more likely to get a repeat performance.
jessica, my question is short and sweet. How do I talk my wife into having a threesome? And how would you have us pick our third? -needshelp
Hi Needshelp- Your question is short and sweet, yes, but the response is going to be long, and still somewhat incomplete. Threesomes are a tricky scenario, often best left to fantasy. That being said, some people find them a very rewarding experience, and if accomplished to the satisfaction of all involved, then more power to you! For the purpose of this answer, I'll be assuming that you mean a girl/girl/boy threesome.
As far as talking her into it, either she's game or she's not, and if not, please do not try to cajole her. If you have brought it up in the throes of passion and she seems receptive, you may take it to the next level by incorporating it into a conversation. In short, this conversation could progress into some boundaries that you'd both be comfortable with, should a three-way happen. Things to be discussed could include kissing, cuddling, oral sex, specific sex acts, condom use, fluid exchange, orgasms, etc.
Actually bridging the gap between planning a threesome and picking the person is difficult. For some couples, it becomes too real at this point, and one partner may back off or change their mind all together, and you have to respect that. If all systems are go, it's easier for me to tell you who NOT to do it with: his/her best friend, his/her boss or co-worker, his/her acquaintance that you've been secretly fantasizing over for awhile now. Nightclubs and bars are hit or miss, but if you do luck out, be sure that everyone involved is sober enough to seriously give consent. There are websites for just about any type of hookup you can imagine, and swingers clubs are a good place to go to meet people who share the same openness about sexuality and any alternative lifestyle you may be contemplating.
For a deeper look at Threesomes, my next Guide to Wicked Sex will be out shortly, and that is the topic.
What is the most difficult thing about filming a scene? cjoe45655
Hi! Honestly, it depends on the scene. In some instances, the most difficult thing about sex on camera is to not forget that there ARE cameras, and that I should think about angles and opening up so that the penetration can be seen. Other times, I find it hard to keep up my character during the scene and not lapse into how I would normal talk/sound/act. Occasionally, it will happen that I've been shooting all day long and we are behind schedule and my sex scene ends up being very late at night, or outside, or in the cold, or on uncomfortable surfaces. In these instances, I just focus on my partner(s) and convey to them what I need in order to get into the mood. That's also why I am so picky about who I work with. I need that chemistry to be there.
Hi jessica, my wife and I love watching your movies together. We are both in our 50s, and we both get turned on by watching you. My question to you is what is the best way to get my wife to be with another woman? She has fantasies of being with another woman, but is afraid to go for it. She has been wanting to do this for the past 13 years and have me join in with them later. She gets so wet seeing you with other women and I tell her you want that, don't you? She always says yes, but weight is her biggest problem. She thinks no one would want to be with a plus size woman. I have other people tell me "your wife is very pretty". Can you please help us, jessica? We both want this. -John and Nancy
Hi guys! First of all, Nancy, no matter what your size, you are beautiful and sexy, and everyone likes something different, so YES, there are indeed women out there that would love to join in with you. It seems that you are both comfortable with the idea, so I'd recommend exploring possible places to meet someone. I have found that going to a swingers club can be exciting in many ways- you don't have to be naked or join in if you don't want to, but it puts you in a totally different sexual atmosphere that even before, and that alone can be a huge turn on. It's also a great way to meet like minded couples, and perhaps get more introductions to even more people. You can try forums online or personal ads as well, but use caution when meeting someone like this for the first time, and of course consider safety before inviting them into your home. Also, if you are very open minded, you may even want to consider the *legal* brothels (such as the ones in Nevada) where your success is guaranteed. You would be able to choose a girl, negotiate and pay a rate, and then enjoy yourselves, and then go home. A plus side to the brothel possibility is that they provide sexual wellness checks and regular STI screenings for their girls, and insist on safe sex. I hope you are able to fulfill this fantasy. Please let me know how it goes!
jessica, in your experience, what is the best position for couples to stimulate the g-spot with penetration, vaginal or anal, while simultaneously stimulating the clitoris, including stimulation by hand, vibrator, etc? -natas
Natas- That sounds like a lot of stimulation! For some women, that could be overload, but in my experience, if I am in cowgirl position facing my partner and I lean back, I am able to stimulate my G spot with his cock, and then his hands are free to rub my clitoris or hold a small vibrator. Sometimes, it takes women a lot of time and practice to have a G spot orgasm, so don't make that your only goal. It seems like you are trying to give your partner as much pleasure as possible, and I know she'll love the attention.
With all the sex you have onscreen, how do you keep things interesting in your personal life? -scarlet_fever
Dear Scarlet- All the sex? Well, I'm under contract with Wicked Pictures, and per my contract, I only shoot 7 movies a year, so I can't say that I'm getting sexually burnt out. By trying new things, knowing my body/turn-ons very well, and catering to some of the fantasies of my partner has, I always keep things exciting in my personal life, even while being in a long-term relationship. Often when couples are bored or fall into a rut, lots of sex isn't the problem...or the solution. It's very important that rather than making sex a mechanical activity, that you really connect, and I try to do that both on and off camera. ; )
What is the best lube for anal sex? -Dark Ann
Hi DarkAnn, Great question. My favorite lube for anal is always silicone based. It's important that you experiment with what works best for you and your body. Try to avoid things that numb or warm, and remember that if you use an oil based lubricant, it will break down condoms. Many adult stores have small sample sizes by the register so that you can try a variety without committing yourself to an entire bottle. In the Spring, Wicked is coming out with an entire line of Sensual Care products, with many lubes to choose from- stay tuned for details!
hi jessica! I wanted to ask you a question about foreplay. My wife and I have been married for about 8 years and together for 15! We have two kids, 5 and 7, so there is very little alone time. My question is this- how do you attempt foreplay to get each other in the mood and revved up when most of the time it is WHAM BAM thank you, it's over before the kids come home, walk in, or need something. We really struggle to find time to make it more than a quickie. Thanks! john s.
Hi John- First of all, I love that you are taking the time and effort to make your sex life what it should be. Lots of couples are in the same boat, between kids and work and real-life responsibilities. The easiest way to fit in more foreplay is to do it all throughout the day. A sexy text, post-it note, email or picture can let your partner know that you're thinking about them and can't wait to get your hands (and mouth) on them. You can buy her little gifts, sexy panties or a little vibrator and hide them for her - where the kids can't find them. ; ) Leave her a sexy voicemail at a prearranged time- no speakerphone on carpool day! You can use your imagination to stimulate hers and when you DO have time for actual sex, her engine will already be purring.
And by the way, sometimes attention and effort are the sexiest things of all.
What advice do you have for a 29 year old virgin who would like to start dating? -shy guy
Here are my suggestions, just as a starting point.
1. Be yourself.
2. Do not set unrealistic expectations for yourself. You've been a virgin 29 years, it may not happen overnight, and that's ok.
3. Go on a variety of dates, with a variety of people. Even if sparks don't fly, it will give you dating experience.
4. Always be open (when asked) about your expectations- marriage, children, etc.
5. MOST IMPORTANTLY- Have fun. ALWAYS have fun. Do not rush yourself, and do not pressure yourself. Enjoy.
What is your number one tip for married couples? -derek j
ALWAYS communicate. Talk about your needs, wants, hopes, dreams, fears, likes, dislikes, pet peeves, fantasies, anything and everything...just TALK.
(My number two thing would be to be sexually playful with each other, whether you've been together for 2 months or 10 years.)
My girlfriend and I have been dating for about 2 years now, and we are both very attracted to each other, but when we do have sex she tends to dry up very quickly and it makes her upset and it is very painful if we continue. I have tried some lubes and haven't had that much luck, sadly. She is on birth control which I am aware does have some effect on this aspect of our relationship. Do you think something else is going on or do you think this is truly an issue with birth control? Again, thank you so much! -jhaug
Hi jhaug - As a woman who has experienced this personally, I can tell you it is very uncomfortable, and often very frustrating. In the beginning, I couldn't understand why I was SO turned on but not wet enough, and yes, my partner was concerned- even insulted- as well. Birth control DOES play a huge part in this. Please do not take it personally. I would suggest two things - she should increase her water intake to make sure she is very well hydrated, and you should both explore different lubes together. There are many different kinds, so have a date night and go to an adult store in your area and choose a few lubes to try out. Try a silicone, water based, and perhaps an organic. Stay away from things that numb you, warm up, or are flavored- for now, anyway. This is the kind of homework that can be fun. Experiment until you find something that you both like, and of course, if the issue persists, please have her mention it to her doctor. There are prescription treatments for vaginal dryness on the market that work wonders for many people!
When you masturbate, do you enjoy it, and what exactly is your focus at that time? -shane k. harbin
Shane, like most other people, i love to masturbate! Masturbation is great for you in many ways - it can teach you more about your body, you can try new things and experiment with different techniques before passing those onto a partner, it's great for stress relief, it just feels GOOD! i have many different ways that i like to masturbate, it just depends what kind of mood i'm in. Sometimes i feel like getting off really fast, so i use a little vibrator and imagine some kind of recent sex i've had. My quickest time is about one minute. Other times, i like to take my time. i have a long, hot bath, put lotion all over my body, get in bed and make the sweet love with myself. Sometimes i watch porn, sometimes i play music and try out new toys. If i have lots of time, i just let my mind wander. Usually i fantasize about sex with someone i don't know...or lots of people i don't know. ; ) Though it's a different experience for everyone, one thing is the same- it FEELS good, it's good for you, we should all do it more!
Hi jessica! I'm a huge fan and wanted to take a second and say thanks for always being so down to earth with us fan boys! I'm embarrassed to admit I have issues with endurance. Sometimes I can go for a pretty long time, but there are other times its a few thrusts and I'm done. As you can tell, not something to be proud of, and it definitely makes sex less fun than it should be. I'm great with foreplay and i know she gets off, but i'd love to be better once inside her too. Any tips or suggestions you have to increase endurance? I'm sure a gorgeous woman like you has had to deal with this firsthand at some point in her life. How can I prolong the experience and make sure a better time is had by both? Thanks much! -MerlinMagician5
Hi Maverick- First of all, you are not alone! Many men wish they could last longer. If you are experiencing a reoccurring situation where you are lasting just a few strokes- say, less than 30 - 45 seconds, you may want to see your doctor and share your concerns with him. If this is something that is happening less frequently, i can tell you that there are many things you can do to help make sex last longer. First, you can masturbate and familiarize yourself with the feeling of being right there at the edge of orgasm. Sometimes recognizing that instant can be instrumental in delaying your orgasm. When you can identify being SO close, you can try the squeeze technique - as you feel that your orgasm is near, stop stroking and squeeze right below the head of your cock for 15-30 seconds, then resume what you were doing. After some practice with this on your own, you can add your partner to the exercise as well. As you are having sex with her, let her know as you get to that point, and when you do, let her try the squeeze technique. This is really a great way to increase your stamina, but it will take time. practice makes perfect, and practice is fun. Alternately, there are also special condoms with a benzocaine gel inside. That will reduce sensitivity in your penis. You need to experiment with these carefully, because some men do report a loss in erection due to not enough sensitivity. There are a few brands to choose from, so find what works for you. good luck!
You and your partner have become more vanilla than normal. Which act or position will help spark you the most to get back in love with sex/making love? -asteric
First of all, bravo to you for recognizing the concern and wanting to do something about it. That's really half of the battle. It's natural for desire or spontaneity to wane in a relationship for lots of reasons- time, stress, kids, etc. i don't think that there is a magic position or sex act for you to try, but instead i think it's about connecting with your partner, giving them attention, making them special. Let them know that they are still sexy. Take time to spend with them without any interruptions. Plan a special date night from start to finish, and reaffirm how special they are to you. Often that spark of connectivity is just what you need to reignite a relationship. Sex nights are great as well... make sure you have at least a few hours of no interruptions, TV, phone calls, etc. and reacquaint yourselves with all the things you love about each other's bodies. Take your time to undress each other slowly, kiss passionately, and explore your partner like you did back at the start of your relationship. Don't skip the oral sex! Enjoy a sixty-nine before getting to the main course. pull out all the stops- talk dirty, watch a (Wicked) movie together, or if you're in the mood to try something new, check out one of my instructionals for a little inspiration...but no matter what the sex act, remember that what you're doing is making your partner a priority- and making sure they know it.
Do you prefer clitoral or vaginal orgasms? -Taxman346
Taxman, i prefer ORGASMS! i am one of the lucky women who have both, but 80% of all women need some type of clitoral stimulation to orgasm - many women do not orgasm during intercourse at all. This is normal, and your goal is to identify which category your partner falls into...and please her accordingly. One great tip for a woman to experience a clitoral orgasm during intercourse - have her use a small vibrator on her clit as you are having sex doggysyle, and hold on tight!
Have you ever come across a gentleman with "equipment" that was just entirely too big for your pleasure? -Geeks
Hi Geeks, SEVERAL times. There really is such thing as too big, and i find that i can do some many more things with a more average sized partner. If you are too well-endowed for your partner, there are better positions for more comfortable love making. Doggy may be too deep, and when you're in mish, remember that the higher her legs are around your waist or shoulders, the deeper the penetration. Spoon might be better for you, and you may also want to give her more control with cowgirl. Conversely, if you are a more modest size, missionary with her legs flat on the bed and squeezed together will provide you with a very tight fit. Check out my Positions instructional for more ideas!
When did you know you wanted to create sex guides to help people in their relationship? -buzzboy
Buzzyboy, i've been in adult business a little over 10 years, and i've done many appearances all over the world. A few years ago, i noticed a shift in the demographic of people that were showing up at the signings - all of a sudden, there were lots of women and couples, and they wanted to talk about sex! i began to do sex seminars and hold question and answer sessions afterward, and i was amazed at how many questions people had about some very popular topics! i decided to begin my line of DVDs to answer some of those questions, and "jessica drake's Guide to Wicked Sex" was created. i'm on my fifth now, and there are many more to come.
How can I tell when a woman is ready to stop the foreplay and move onto the sex? Sometimes I feel like it's going on too long, but i don't want to rush into sex and make her feel like I just want to get down to business. -Cal Thorpe
Cal, that's a really smart question. women, as i'm sure you've figured out, are all very different. Some women need about 5 minutes of foreplay...other women want/need 20-30 minutes before they're ready...and sometimes it's a mix. So how do you know? i think it's a matter of reading your partner's body language. Is she trying to take it to the next level? If you've started by kissing and caressing her, as she's getting more turned on, she's going to grab for different parts of your body. Begin making your way from her mouth to her neck to her breasts and lower. If she resists, then just move back up for more kisses. If she doesn't, progress to oral sex, but don't just get right to it- tease her, make it a slow build, and not a "foreplay formula" (two minutes kissing, a minute on her breasts, some fondling, go down on her, stick it in, etc) that's boring! Switch it up, and it will increase her arousal even more. believe me, when she's ready for you to be inside her, you'll know it. ;)
Both my girlfriend and I want her to learn how to deep throat, but she always quits because she feels like she's going to throw up. What's the best way for her to learn how to not gag and take me all into her mouth? -BloodKage
Well, that all depends. Deep throating can be tricky, especially with a sensitive gag reflex. First of all, i do NOT recommend using any type of numbing agent. Not only will it reduce the sensations you are feeling in your cock, it can also be dangerous to numb a delicate area and subject it to damage that she'll feel later, when the numbing agent wears off. The trick to deep throating (and this is much easier said than done) is learning how to relax the muscles in your throat. This doesn't come naturally at first, because these are the muscles that also keep us from choking. Make sure that she is comfortable and completely in control of the depth, and let her get to the lowest point possible on your cock, then stop and try to relax those muscles. It may take many attempts (not that you'll mind) before she is able to even isolate these, but once she does, it will enable her to learn what works for her. Another hint is to have her find the most comfortable position to accommodate you. Some women prefer to be on their knees, but this angle can make deep throating more difficult. Try lying on your back as she kneels beside you or over you in between your legs. Often changing the angle makes deep throating possible. Keep practicing!
If you could only have sex in one position for the rest of your life, what would you choose? -reefer madness
i think i'd have to say missionary, but with the stipulation that it can be modified. It gives face to face contact, which i love, and it can be intimate OR it can be more submissive on my part. i can feel my partner's entire body, and conveniently, he can reach most of my favorite places to be touched/bitten/choked. Legs up or down makes for a great variation, so i'd choose mish. i'd sure miss doggy, though.
My wife and I recently tried anal sex and we both loved it. Since then we have tried to repeat our pleasure but never seem to be able to make it. my wife says she is having a hard time relaxing and just enjoying the moment. We've tried prolonged foreplay and even brought her to climax through manual stimulation to try and get her to relax, but she says it is painful. We have no idea what we can do to get back that perfect moment so we can be lost in the lust of it again. Any ideas? Thanks! -Gunny
Gunny, i think you are inadvertently answering your own question. i think the issue here is that you are trying too hard to recapture a moment that came spontaneously...and that almost never works. Please take the pressure off you and your wife, have sex with no expectations other than enjoying each other and your connection, and that will essentially enable you to get lost in the moment, and whatever happens will happen. If anal pleasure is very important to you both, i suggest that your wife experiment on her own with anal exploration and masturbation to increase her comfort level and ability to relax, and then perhaps she can demonstrate what she learns. ;) Keep sex fun, and don't plan too much for a desired result.