4
out of 5.00 -
Film:
4
Extras:
4
Video:
4
Audio:
4
-
2/2/2010
Dear Penthouse Letters:
I never thought it would happen to me, but just a few days ago, I was walking to the post office when I saw a gorgeous female letter carrier leaving to make her deliveries. She looked exactly like Tori Black, except a million times hotter and she stared at me with great desire when I passed by. I couldn't help but notice her long, slender legs which resembled those of Jenna Haze, but a billion time sexier. She also had tits which were every bit as natural and as shapely as Nikki Dial's, but a trillion times better. She stopped in her tracks and looked at me with a sly smile. She then licked her lips and told me, "I'm about to go off on my route, so maybe you better let me get a handle on your package now!" I looked deep into her eyes, which were as blue and as bright as Ginger Lynn's but a zillion times more beautiful and said, "Well, I hope your mail slot is able to take what I want delivered." She giggled and said, "Oh, I'm sure it will fit, once I get it wet with my tongue and stamp it with my lips!"
Then we went into the back room and we fucked like crazed weasels. I slammed into her like an Imperial Star Destroyer crashing into a fully operational Death Star, and she must have come at least ten or twenty times. I then deposited a load of my hot, burning cum deep into her mouth, and she swallowed it up like ice cream.
Then she handed me SIDELINES SLUTS: CHEERLEADER CONFESSIONS from Adult DVD Empire, and I went back to my home to review it. It was pretty good. It's a sport-themed porno which borrows it's concept from the BARELY LEGAL series, in which letters to the magazine are briefly narrated, leading into a sex scene based on the content. Quite frankly, the BARELY LEGAL titles have been in a big rut for awhile, so I was more than happy to see Penthouse's version of this formula (though I'm well-aware that "Penthouse Letters" and "Penthouse Forum" preceded the popular Hustler series).
Overall, I enjoyed the cheerleader theme, and I definitely loved the female cast, especially blonde Crista Moore who looks great in red lingerie and attempts to relax her stressed-out quarter back boyfriend Kris Slater with some deep, wet oral work. Raven-haired Audrey Bitoni is equally hot, and gives athletic trainer Rocco Reed a good physical workout, despite an injury to her right ankle.
Blonde Madison Scott looks tasty in a wet cheerleaders uniform (due to the big game being rained out) and assumes a standing spooning position delivered by Dane Cross which is visually impressive, and aurally punctuated by her gasps and moans of pleasure. Nicole Ray and Veronica Ricci then gives us a change of pace with a lesbian scene, performed at the end of a practice (and boy, these girls need a lot of it!), and taking place on bleachers outdoors. Petite blonde Nicole has always been an undeniable cutie, but red-head Veronica is a true stunner. She's tall, thin, and has a perfect pair of breasts. She's one of those girls who would be a perfect match with Tori Black or Paola Rey. Though the girl-girl action is routine (more kissing and caressing would have gone a long way), I enjoyed seeing the two go at it. At the very least, I now have another newbie in porn to look out for.
The movie ends with another straightforward hetero affiar, as Kagney Linn Karter gets it on with her shorter partner Mikey Butders. They do it during the half-time show, simply because Kagney can't resist getting it on with a musically challenged tuba player. Like Audrey Bitoni, Miss Karter is top-heavy and looks delectable in a skirt and bra. It's almost too bad we don't get to see more of her standing around and posing before Mr. Butders begins ramming her doggy style. Good pussy-to-mouth action and a messy cum facial bring the whole sporting event to a close right before the credits roll.
With the exception of a Bonus Scene from NAUGHTY CHEERLEADERS (starring Alyssa Hall and Danny Mountain), there aren't any notable extras to be found on this disc. However, Director Guy Campo and Producer Kelly Holland (who has directed some equally impressive titles for Penthouse) have delivered a simple, yet arousing video which manages to breathe some fresh life to an old cliche. I look forward to more dramatic recreations of other Penthouse letters, and anxiously await my royalty check when my own true story (as written above) goes into production.
By:
Diesel