This Ain't Avatar XXX 3-D

Hustler / Year: 2010 / 4.17 out of 5
Adult DVD
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3.75 out of 5
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Blue movie

By: Diesel
In-House Review - Oct 25 2010

I happened to miss AVATAR when it played in theaters during its initial run and subsequent re-release, so I really can't comment about the "3-D theatrical experience" of what has become the top grossing film of all time. I did see the original Blu-ray video early in 2009 and found it to be good fun, but also derivative and simple-minded. It was clear that AVATAR was more a grandiose event than a serious work of cinematic art. Therefore, I was truly surprised to hear many months ago that Hustler and Axel Braun (director of some of the best adult parodies on the current market) would actually tackle the movie as a parody and present it in 3-D form. To me, the actual film just didn't lend itself to sexual satire, but one should never underestimate the ambition of America's most prolific pornographers.

Judging by its multi-zillion dollar box office receipts, every man, woman and Pandoran should be familiar with AVATAR, so I won't go into details regarding a plot (think DANCES WITH WOLVES) or special effects and action scenes (see ALIENS and TRUE LIES). THIS AIN'T AVATAR XXX sort of goes off on a tangent from prior events by exploring the carnal drives of the Na'vi tribe, and the true benefits of their precious minerals. This movie ends with an amusing reference to another Hollywood picture, and I won't spoil the in-joke here. At the very least, TAAXXX is clever enough to stand alone with its own storyline rather than slavishly imitating the original.

Let me state up-front that I enjoyed THIS AIN'T AVATAR XXX, but it doesn't have the same wit and inspiration of Mr. Braun's past efforts, such as THIS AIN'T STAR TREK XXX and BATMAN: A XX X PARODY. It does a pretty damn good job mimicking the look and style of James Cameron's movie, but only on a very superficial level. I was impressed by the costumes, make-up (genitalia and other organs retain their natural fleshtones, however), and computer generated image effects, and I appreciated the obviously hard work of both cast and crew, but the result isn't the porn blockbuster I thought it would be.

Part of THIS AIN"T AVATAR XXX's problem lies in the unavoidably and understandably reduced scale of the production, which obviously can't compete with the hundreds of millions spent by a major studio. It's one thing to pay tribute to a low budget science fiction series from the sixties, where iconic characters are easily recognized and appreciated, even amidst sparse sets and primitive special effects. But it's quite another to parody a Hollywood blockbuster where dazzling style and awesome scenery are the focus and must make up for lack of substance. An old TV show like I LOVE LUCY and THE BRADY BUNCH are perfectly suited to the cheap and cheesy look of porno movies, but a big, shallow feature film demands something more than what porn can offer. Unfortunately, with the exception of some closing panoramic shots, the indoor and outdoor settings of TAAXXX look chintzy and feel congested, like a mediocre SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE sketch. Also, the limited number of extras and general lack of any other non-sexual action, make one question whether the main characters and concept alone can sustain a two-hour parody. The performers do their level best in capturing the superficial dramatic and otherworldly elements of Pandora (which is not so wittily re-named as Panwhora, just as Na'vi is re-Christened as Na'bi), but in the end, they are only as good as their ability to fuck and suck.

Viewers are provided with five hardcore scenes, often preceded by moments of bombastic dialogue and melodrama to keep the simple plot moving. (It takes a full forty minutes after the movie starts before we even reach the alien planet.) The movie opens with a hot coupling between Danica Dillan, who plays a soldier, and Evan Stone, who rightfully hams it up as the villainous Colonel. As the main character, Misty Stone assumes the role originally portrayed by Zoe Saldana and participates in two sex scenes: first with Chris Johnson (as the Jake Scully character) and then in an orgy shared by humans Juelz Ventura and other members of the Na'bi species including Chanel Preston, Lexington Steele, Dale DaBone and Mr. Johnson. Nicki Hunter takes on Sigourney Weaver's scientist character and appears in Na'vi form doing it with Eric Swiss, and then as a normal human seducing Chris Johnson for some anal play.

The sex is certainly up to professional, industry standards, but no scene is truly outstanding. I found it a bit odd that such an ambitious title didn't offer more variety or originality, such as a threesome or a girl-girl scene or anything else which might have distinguished the hardcore from any random, above-average, gonzo title. Quite simply, the novelty of seeing blue-skinned cat-people in the act of coitus isn't erotic enough for me.

When it comes to the standard DVD, the 3-D effects are amusing at times, but inconsistent in terms of quality and effectiveness. Scenes which take place indoors are just too gosh-darn dark, especially when viewed through the cardboard and cellophane glasses. It is quite a kick to see Danica Dillan's ass almost pop out from the confines of the TV screen, and there were moments when Evan Stone's dick seemed to be pointing straight at me (not necessarily a good thing). However, when we get to the "outdoor" scenes on Panwhora, the 3-D effect diminishes greatly. Objects take on a distinctive blue and red border as if outlined by a multi-colored highlighter, and the images look smeared and out of alignment. After nearly thirty minutes of watching (and skipping around the disc in hopes of finding some improvement), I opted to finish the movie in 2-D, and the results were less headache-inducing and much more pleasing to the eye. If you just want masturbation fodder with a minimum of fuss and muss, then 2-D is the most convenient way to go.

Now, as a non-fan of the 3-D genre, I'm not particularly picky about the technology, but obviously the process employed here disappoints considerably. I should point out that the DVD version uses the "old fashioned" method with red and cyan glasses (two pairs of which are included in the DVD) and not any of the competing high definition standards used by various television manufacturers. Therefore, viewers do not need a "3-D Ready" player or TV to experience the effect when watching the DVD. The Blu-ray, however, does require the use of 3-D television, and I regret that my current equipment is unable to take advantage of Hustler's offering. Fortunately, the DVD comes with a second disc for two-dimensional viewing, while the Blu-ray offers both versions on a single platter.

A twenty-minute Behind the Scenes look at THIS AIN'T AVATAR XXX is really the only notable bonus material on both the Blu-ray and standard DVD. Audiences also get a Photo Gallery, trailers, along with glasses for DVD customers. (As of the date of this review, most 3-D glasses for Blu-ray viewing cost up to $150 per pair!) It's strange that more goodies weren't offered for such a hyped-up production, yet I suppose that a release offering two versions of the main feature is enough of a bonus. Also included are front-loaded phone and internet sex advertisements, which I could not fast-forward or skip when playing the Blu-ray on my PS3.

Despite my critical comments, I understand that fans of AVATAR will get a kick out of seeing a hardcore version of this phenomenal money-maker. I can't imagine any other studio or director parodying this movie as well as Braun and company have accomplished here, but that doesn't necessarily make it an exceptional porno.

5 out of 5
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The most successfel sci-fi film of all time, gets the greatest sci-fi parody film of all time!

By: WrightWilliams
In-House Review - Oct 07 2010

This Ain't Avatar XXX is the long-awaited porn parody of the most successful sci-fi movie of all time. Breaking incredible records at the box office and captivating millions of people with its story of a fresh new people being encroached upon by the citizens of Earth, Avatar really set a high bar for its 'obvious to follow' porn parody to reach.

This Ain't Avatar XXX really does attempt to reach that bar, and succeeds. This may be one of the most successfully done parodies I have seen, and easily one of the parodies with the highest budget. Nothing was spared; this film features intensely realistic locations, incredible makeup and special effect work, hot as hell sex, and bizarrely well done dialogue. In short, this is a total homerun.

While the original film it is based on allowed us only glimpses of nudity, this film allows us to watch complete sexual escapades performed by the aboriginal inhabitants of the planet. Filmed in both 2D and 3D you will never in your life get this close again to a blue penis or vagina. The make-up they wear, including full body airbrushing, is OUTSTANDING to put it mildly.

While some will only focus on the great 3D aspects of the film and its impressive location and costuming, I must tell you that the sex here is top notch and really remarkable. The scene inside the laboratory was really hot to me, and also the concept itself of a blue pussy being covered in white cum takes me to a realm I have never been before.

The package comes with both a 2D and 3D version and during sex scenes in the 3D version it really feels like the fucking is happening all around you. The moans become that much more realistic when they come from a woman who appears to be really standing in front of you.

In short, this is absolutely amazing, and anyone who passes up this incredible piece of pop culture would be a fool. Pick this up as soon as you can.

3.75 out of 5
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Must See 3D

By: Roger T. Pipe
Industry Review - Dec 10 2010

This Ain't Avatar XXX (Blu-Ray)

Overall rating: B
Female looks: B
Male looks: B
Picture quality: A-
Extras: B
Plot/acting: B+
Sex: B-

This Ain't Avatar XXX

MOVIE TYPE: All Sex

127 Mins

www.Hustler.com

THEMES: Parody, Aliens

2010

STARS: Nicki Hunter, Chris Johnson, Misty Stone, Evan Stone, Lexington Steele, Chanel Preston, Dale DaBone, Julez Ventura, Eric Swiss,


www.Hustler.com

REVIEW-

In a world filled with porn parodies, this latest Axel Braun is one of the most anticipated to date. Taking on Avatar would be one thing. Doing it in full 3D is really an impressive technical undertaking. With both 3 and 2D versions available, this Blu-Ray is sure to be at the top of every techie geek's must-see list. I'm reviewing the 2D version and it definitely shows. The way the movie is shot, the way it's lit everything about it just screams out 3D. For those of us watching in 2D you just have to enjoy what is here and let the other stuff pass. The lighting and make up on this project are very impressive. I prefer more brightly lit sex scenes, but it is easy to see why they shot things this way. The authentic look of the sets and characters are the main strength of this movie. How much you enjoy this project sexually will depend on how much you like make-up sex. No, not the sex you have after a fight, but sex between heavily made up performers. Part of me loves this because of how authentic it looks. Another part of me just wants to watch Misty Stone get fucked. I can appreciate the effort and authenticity of This Ain't Avatar. There are some technical glitches (sound synch, lighting and the like) but fans of the original will enjoy watching this XXX rated adventure. I'm sure this will win some awards and it deserves them. I'm just going to look for something a little less technically impressive when it's "go time."

Danica Dillan & Evan Stone

Hard ass military man Evan gives us the low down on story, he hooks up with one of his hottest grunts. From the start the action looks a little odd. It's shot to be enjoyed in 3d which is fine, but there are times when it just doesn't translate well. The background looks off and the long lingering shots are a good indication that the just couldn't do much variety wise. Danica is nice looking and gives a very long blowjob complete with lots of blue drool. She gets into reverse cowgirl and then doggy. Both of these positions just look slightly off without the benefit of 3d but are plenty eye pleasing. There is a long round of RCA as well with her tight little butthole getting pounded. The facial finish comes nearly forty five minutes into the movie. It just goes on too long and looks off by enough to make it less hot than it should be.

Nicki Hunter & Eric Swiss

Nicki and Eric are in full Avatar make up and down on the planet's surface to pick up samples. The make up angle is fun because the both really do look great. Some of the lighting and angles are off once again. I'm sure 3d brings out the best here, but this is still solid parody sex with Nicki bending over and getting fucked hard from behind. Nice ass shots here before she moves in to fuck in reverse cowgirl. Nicki finishes off by taking the load on her waiting tongue. If you are looking for Avatar make up sex, this will keep you stroking.

Nicki Hunter & Chris Johnson

Back on the ship, Nicki does what needs to be done with a fellow Marine won't come out of cryo-sleep. She sucks his cock. (Huh?) When his cock rises, she manages to deep throat every inch and rubs his balls on her face while she gags. Spreading her legs and sit tong his face, Nicki takes a ride. The shadows are distracting, but this is actually a pretty solid stroke scene. I like the leg and pussy shots as she grinds in reverse cowgirl. Milking the cum from his cock Nicki finishes off a scene that has energy and good footage, but no make up.

Misty Stone & Chris Johnson

Back to full Avatar make up we go. The dark jungle s

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