3
out of 5.00 -
Film:
2
Extras:
3
Video:
3
Audio:
4
-
10/23/2010
I don't think I'm a terribly difficult man to please. And if you throw just the right things my way, well, look out. And while it would seem that
Anal Soccer Girls would have everything I could ever ask for in a film, I walk away from it feelings somewhat disappointed. I mean, what are the odds anyone else is going to attempt such a themed film again any time soon? Damn! Soccer! Anal! This should be a no-brainer! But it seems, for once, the gang at Dorcel missed by quite a bit on the casting and the result is a flick that rarely gets much beyond tepid.
We open it what appears to be a soccer training camp. Sort of. They look like they'd get smoked by the local VFW, but still. I do give the director credit for getting them setup to do something resembling real drills. And like so many overpaid prats in the Premiership, we're immediately off to the training room. It seems what's her face did something to her ankle. Which makes it funny that the one guy absolutely torques her cleats off. And that she's in no pain whatsoever. Ah well, that's not the point anyway, right? Yeah, it's a two guys on one girl kind of scene. I don't know, does a DP wind up putting you out of action longer than a simple muscle pull? Admittedly, this girl's got a really great ass on her, too, and it was funny how she was down to a thong on the table, then the guy puts the towel over her. Something seems a bit out of order in the modesty department there. So eventually some sex happens, and yeah, it's a pretty good DP. Not much in the way of personality with this lot, though, which means the chemistry isn't quite there. A good scene, but nothing really to write home about.
Then we're off to the shower with probably the cutest one of the lot. Kind of a scary, Eastern European version of a shower, but whatever. And nevermind that the shower is basically a kitchen faucet mounted up high. The hell? And just to top it all off, no anal in this scene. Dammit, she's the cutest one here! She should have to give up the back door! Oh fine. It's a decent blowjob sequence, though she's a tip-tugger and the camera angle is basically from the floor for a good chunk of it. Not a good perspective. Great, great reverse cowgirl, though. This alone is worth the price of admission. The acoustics of a shower eventually do get the better of a scene like this, though, where the moaning starts to sound really odd. Body shot in the end.
Then the mass shower scene comes in, and it's kind of fun with the short-haired brunette that gets it on with one of her teammates. The shower scene starts off rather humourously, though, as there are about 12 of them in there with just the same spout as in the last scene. Then the hot brunette comes out, somehow dressed in her uniform again, and it's on in the hallway. This one goes for quite some time, and it is pretty hot, so that's cool. Even better, no toys magically show up in the middle of it (I hate how that happens in some porn - completely unrealistic in most of the settings), so it's just fingers and tongues. Good.
Then we switch over to the two girls with one guy scene, which seems to be highlighted as the signature scene on this disc. Pretty good, though the camera work is pretty awful to start, shaky, zoomed in too far, and every now and then it's as though someone just walks into the camera it gets bumped so hard. Pretty poor, that. To ladies in this one, though the cute one doesn't do anal. Damn. Jump cut to a shared facial in the end.
The problem here is that there is just too much that is sloppy, too much that isn't done well enough to be put to disc. First and foremost, the camera needs to be on a tripod more often. Just far too shaky. But it isn't even that. It's something much more intangible that makes
Anal Soccer Girls not work. They need a bit more time in training, perhaps.
By:
Oranje